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Based on "The Alzo Era begins in Austin! | Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" from NPR Podcasts Watch the original video
The Alzo Era Kicks Off: News, Nonsense, and Olympic Feats in Austin with 'Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me'
Episode summary
NPR's "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" introduces Alzo Slade as its new official judge and scorekeeper, live from Austin, Texas, with host Peter Sagal. The episode features listener contestant Jenny Stout, who correctly answers questions about Vanilla Ice performing at America's 250th birthday celebration, the rise of 20-year-old YouTube horror director Kane Parsons, and the "tarps off" trend in Major League Baseball where fans remove their shirts to rally their teams.
The show also welcomes decorated Olympian Alana Myers Taylor, who discusses her bobsledding career, including winning a gold medal while pregnant and being the first woman to make the US men's national team in a four-man sled. She reveals the "monobob" is a single-person sled event and shares humorous anecdotes about wearing her medals for perks. The panel then plays "Bluff the Listener," with a segment on mosquito repellent potentially attracting mosquitoes, highlighting the surprising nuances of common summer experiences.
The air in Austin, Texas, crackled with anticipation as NPR's beloved news quiz, "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," rolled into the Bass Concert Hall. But this wasn't just another stop on their tour; it was a landmark moment, marking the official inauguration of a new comedic reign. With a flourish, host Peter Sagal welcomed Alzo Slade as the show's new judge and scorekeeper, declaring the dawn of "the Alzo era" – a pronouncement met with enthusiastic cheers and applause from the live audience.
Slade, never one to miss a beat, immediately leaned into his new role with characteristic wit. "I am the most decorated black scorekeeper in 'Wait, Wait' history," he quipped, setting a playful tone for the evening. His elevation to this official position grants him the "awesome power of judging and scorekeepering," a responsibility he clearly embraces with a blend of humor and authority. The show, known for its sharp satire and delightful absurdity, was ready for a fresh perspective, and Slade seemed poised to deliver.
The Week's Wackiest Headlines
The heart of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" lies in its ability to dissect the week's news with a comedic scalpel, and this episode was no exception. The first listener contestant, Jenny Stout from Salt Lake City, Utah, embarked on the "Who's Alzo This Time" challenge, where panelists Brian Babal, Rachel Coer, and Tom Papa joined Alzo Slade in uncovering the bizarre undercurrents of current events. Jenny, a busy mom supporting graduate students, shared a touching reason for calling in: to honor her late father, who introduced her to the show and fostered her love for NPR.
From Pop Stars to Political Parties
The first quote, delivered in Alzo's "vanilla ice" imitation, plunged into the peculiar world of a National Mall concert celebrating America's 250th birthday. Vanilla Ice, alongside Brett Michaels of Poison, was among the few performers who didn't drop out. Peter Sagal's deadpan observation that the lineup felt like a "Grammys In Memoriam reel" perfectly captured the general sentiment. The discussion then veered into the truly surreal: a UFC cage match being constructed on the White House lawn for President Trump's 80th birthday. Brian Babal's hilarious comparison of the White House construction to a "Breaking Bad meth lab" or "Air Force One on some blocks" highlighted the bizarre spectacle, evoking the feeling of a house guest overstaying their welcome and "ruining everything."
The YouTube Generation Takes Over Hollywood
Next, the panel explored how the digital age is reshaping the entertainment industry. Variety magazine highlighted 20-year-old Cain Parsons, a hot new Hollywood director who got his start at age nine posting Minecraft videos on YouTube. His horror films, like "Back Rooms," along with "Obsession" by another former YouTuber, are now dominating the box office, grossing over $100 million on their opening weekends. The panelists mused on the challenges of drawing young people to theaters in an era of expensive popcorn and constant "skip ad" buttons, yet these young filmmakers are succeeding. Tom Papa's daughters, in their early 20s, offered a glimpse into this demographic, describing the films as "really scary" with "hidden undertones." The conversation underscored the rapid rise of these directors, with one becoming a potential "has-been before he can legally rent a car" – a testament to the accelerated pace of digital fame.
"Tarps Off": A New Sporting Tradition?
The final news item for Jenny involved a quirky new trend in Major League Baseball: "Tarps Off." This practice, which started among a few fans at a Cardinals game, involves hundreds of spectators in the bleachers taking off their shirts and waving them over their heads. It supposedly helps the team win, with the Cardinals manager even personally buying tickets for fans willing to participate. While some praised it as "body positive," others, like Tom Papa, humorously noted the prevalence of "white man titties out there." The question of women's participation sparked a lighthearted debate, with Rachel Coer suggesting that "feminism needs to step it up" if women don't want their teams to win. Jenny, with her keen ear for the absurd, correctly identified all three news stories, making her father proud.
Unconventional Wisdom: Hollywood, Sharks, and Deet
The show continued with quickfire panel questions that revealed more surprising insights from the week.
The Age-Old Question: Animals or Actresses?
Brian Babal tackled a study revealing that Hollywood films are four times more likely to feature a talking animal than a woman over 60. This statistic sparked a humorous debate about sexism and ageism versus the "talent" of talking animals. Rachel Coer offered a personal take, saying she "kind of gets it" because animals "have never asked me when I'm going to have a child, or told me that I'm getting a little pudgy." While acknowledging that women over 60 deserve jobs, she playfully implied some personal experiences with "judgy" older women.
Swimming with the Sharks (and Gatorade?)
Rachel Coer then delved into Club Med's plans to open its first beach resort on the coast of South Africa, a region notorious for its three species of man-eating sharks. This raised serious environmental concerns about shark nets, which can harm other endangered species and even trap sharks, making them "more angry" and viewing the resort as an "all-inclusive" buffet. This led into the "Bluff the Listener" game, where Mickey Clunk from Northfield, Minnesota, had to discern truth from fiction.
The Truth About Bug Spray
Tom Papa presented a "summer twist" about insect repellent, claiming that the chemical DEET may actually be attracting mosquitoes, who learn that "where there's DEET, there's the possibility of a blood meal." Rachel Coer's fictional story involved a Texas pool company replacing water with blue Gatorade to prevent swimmer dehydration, resulting in sticky swimmers but no fainting. Brian Babal's fabricated tale featured "Miss Molly," a psychic in Venice Beach who reads people's futures from their sunburns, with peeling shoulders leading to divorce and burnt noses predicting shady contractors. Mickey correctly identified Tom Papa's story about DEET attracting mosquitoes as the truth, a surprising scientific revelation confirmed by Nola Davis, a science correspondent at The Guardian.
An Olympian's Journey: Alana Myers Taylor on Bobsledding and Beyond
The "Not My Job" segment brought an actual Olympian to the stage: Alana Myers Taylor, the most decorated American bobsledder ever, with six world championships and multiple Olympic medals, including a recent gold at the Milan Cortina Games. Now living in Austin, she arrived on stage wearing her gold medal, admitting she mostly uses it "when I want to pull something on my husband, you know, tell him he's got to take out the garbage."
From Softball to Monobob: A Unique Path to Gold
Alana's journey to bobsledding was unconventional, starting from a collegiate softball career. She discussed her gold medal in "monobob," a new Olympic discipline where a single person pushes, runs, jumps into, and then navigates the sled alone. This innovation, she explained, took over a century to realize, with the traditional two-person and four-man bobsleds relying on pushers who then "do nothing preferably" once inside. For Alana, the monobob offers the luxury of "no backseat drivers," avoiding the nightmare scenario of a teammate needing a bathroom break during a championship run.
Breaking Barriers (and Stereotypes) on the Ice
Alana also made history as the first female elite athlete to compete against men in a straightforward competition, making the US men's national team in a four-man sled, with her husband as one of her crew. She humorously noted that having her "pretty swole" husband as a strength and conditioning coach and "bodyguard" helped keep the male pushers in line. She also revealed a truly astonishing feat: winning one of her gold medals while unknowingly pregnant, making it "the worst five-person bobsled" technically a two-person sled with three occupants. Despite her prowess on the ice, she confessed that her nanny takes her kids sledding, as she "can't just be on a radio flyer" after driving a bobsled. When asked about using her medal for free food, she shared that while a bronze once snagged her a free Frosty at Wendy's, the gold medal now implies wealth, leading people to expect a good tip rather than a complimentary meal.
White Castle Wisdom
For her "Not My Job" quiz, Alana played "Sletter Meet Slider," answering questions about White Castle Hamburgers for Austin listener Crystal Craig. She aced all three questions: correctly identifying White Castle's original reputation for cleanliness (a response to Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle"), its unique Valentine's Day "Love Castle" fine dining experience, and its modern innovation of using a robot chef named "Flippy" to flip burgers, ensuring they are "untouched by human hands until it arrives in yours." Alana Myers Taylor, the bobsledding legend, left the stage with a perfect score, earning a "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me gold medal."
Quirks, Calendars, and Condiments: More News from the Edges
The show rounded out its comedic journey with more panel insights and the "Limerick Challenge."
The Allure of the Home-Grown
Rachel Coer revisited the "divorce rumspringer" concept, a recommendation for recently divorced individuals to "do whatever you want for a while." She humorously suggested that instead of wild abandon, people could embrace simpler, Amish-inspired activities like "turn your own butter" or "knit all your clothing," so "your kids won't have their hearts broken again." Tom Papa added that this trend simply puts a "fun label on something we all know people do and they shouldn't."
Rome's Not-So-Sacred Calendar
The "Limerick Challenge" began with Sebastian, a new father from Mend, Vermont, calling in. Alzo Slade, in his new role as official limericist, read the first about luxury homes now being sold with chickens and coops, fulfilling "the Instagram fantasy" until "they all get bird flu." Tom Papa shared a childhood memory of a "dancing chicken" in an arcade, only to discover the music also "electrified the floor." The next limerick revealed a scandal in Rome: the famous "sexy priest calendar" features models who are not all actual priests. The panel mused on the appeal of such a calendar, with Rachel suggesting it's about "a guy just having a job and believing in something."
Ranch Diplomacy in Europe
The final limerick unveiled Hidden Valley Ranch's plan to hire "ranch dressing ambassadors" to promote America's "number one cultural export" in Europe. Alzo Slade, a self-proclaimed "ranch dressing enthusiast" and frequent European traveler, confessed to always bringing ranch dressing and "Swisher Sweet blunts" in his suitcase because "they don't have ranch over there." The panel jokingly worried about the implications of "ranch diplomacy" if a "war with Europe starts." Sebastian, the new father, proved his mettle by correctly completing all three limericks, earning a perfect score and a well-deserved "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me gold medal."
As the show concluded, the energy in Austin remained high, a testament to the seamless blend of sharp humor, surprising news, and engaging personalities. With Alzo Slade firmly in his new seat, "the Alzo era" promises more laughter, more insights, and certainly more memorable moments from the ever-unpredictable world of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me."